


5 Times Bruce Touched Tony and 1 Time Tony Touched Bruce...

by Trammel



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon-divergent from near the end of IM3, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony still has the Arc Reactor cuz Arc Reactor feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:27:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3263288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trammel/pseuds/Trammel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony had no problem touching people. But letting people touch him, that was a much shorter list...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shawarma

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Things You Never Regret](https://archiveofourown.org/works/572811) by [darksquall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darksquall/pseuds/darksquall). 



Tony had no problem touching people.

A handshake, a pat on the back, a poke in the stomach, in the case of his new mild-mannered science bro.

But letting people touch him, that was a much shorter list, especially in the last few years. There were certain touches that stayed with him, for better or worse. His mother's soft hand on his cheek as she kissed him goodnight. Rhodey's hug when he was found in the desert. Obie's hand on his chest, ripping out the arc reactor. Pepper's hand in his.

But he'd never been grabbed in a Hulk's arms, till today. Shame he couldn't remember that part and forget the part that led up to it.

At this point in his life, it wasn't so unusual to make it to the end of a day he thought he'd never survive. He'd learned that food usually cheered him up, grounded him. That was why he'd suggested the shawarma. And now he was sitting here with the rest of their strange band of superheroes, trying to eat. Trying to get back to himself.

It wasn't working. This time it wasn't working.

Nobody was talking. Clint and Natasha were sitting across from Tony, practically in each other's laps, picking at their food. Steve seemed almost comatose, his head resting on his hand, staring at the food like it was some strange apparition. Thor was eating, but far from his loud self. Banner was eating quietly, curled in on himself, like he was trying to hide from the world. It seemed to be his normal style when he wasn't big and green.

Tony was usually the one that did most of the talking, he knew. Kept things light. Kept things moving. No sense in stopping to think too hard about what was happening. You had to accept things and take action. If he'd stopped to think today, he didn't know if he would have been so quick to grab the nuke and take it up into-

No.

Don't go there.

Don't think about it.

Just eat. Eat your stupid shawarma.

Tony didn't know how long he'd been sitting like that, just staring down at his food. Then he felt something unexpected. A warm hand landed on his left knee, touching very quickly, then gone.

Banner. Banner had touched him. Tony had been poking and prodding him all day, and he finally touched back.

Tony looked up and met the scientist's eyes.

And Tony saw himself reflected back.

Ok, maybe not anything as intense and weird as that, but definitely something he knew. Pain, and fear, and all of the other shit that had gone through him this day. Plus something else. Understanding. Something he'd never really seen in anybody's eyes before. At least when they were looking at him.

He took a breath and swallowed. Banner nodded at him, a very small nod, but it was there. Like saying, I get it. I get it. Me too.

So Tony nodded back, then forced himself to pick up the food and start eating.

.


	2. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew he would be trapped here. They would have closed the portal; the only smart thing to do. He would have done the same. He knew no one was coming to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the huge delay in posting the second chapter

It had taken all of Tony's powers of persuasion to get Banner to stay. To stay and play in Tony's candyland. Tony had immediately bought all the equipment the scientist needed to make his dream lab. And then, when Tony got to see more of how Bruce's brain worked, he was blown away. Tony loved working with his science bro, as Pepper had started calling him. And he was starting to realize he was going to actually miss Bruce when he left to join Pepper in Malibu at the end of the week. The man was everything he'd thought, and more. Just - more.

But for now they were on a roll, having spent a good 30 hours working in Bruce's lab. Tony called it Bruce's lab, but Bruce was still doing his humble, low self-esteem thing and not claiming his due. Tony was hoping that sooner or later he would be able to change that. Get him to strut.

Tony felt so comfortable with Bruce that he had no problem, after all those hours of work, flopping down on the couch in the lab and letting himself nod off while the other man kept working. It was comforting to have someone there that could follow Tony's train of thought - every time he opened his mouth. Every single time. Tony couldn't get over it.

He felt relaxed, for the first time in months, as he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

* * *

The fire of the explosion was behind his eyes, all the destruction he had caused. All the death. He knew that logically he couldn't feel the heat. It was impossible. All he could feel was the cold. The cold that was killing him from the inside out. His heart was exploding and he couldn't breathe.

All around was the vast emptiness of the stars. He knew he would be trapped here. They would have closed the portal; the only smart thing to do. He would have done the same.

He knew no one was coming to save him.

And then he was falling - endlessly falling. Tony closed his eyes. He couldn't look. Couldn't look at that emptiness.

This is how it would end, then? Suffocating in the emptiness- In the cold. A cold he never imagined. He couldn't - couldn't breathe.

"Tony." A calm, soothing voice.

What? What was that?

"Tony, you gotta wake up. It's ok."

Someone was touching him. Hands on his shoulders. Tony struggled, fighting against the hands on him, until he realized it was Banner. Bruce's voice. Bruce's gentle voice in his ear.

"It's me. Bruce. It's ok. You're ok."

Tony opened his eyes slowly to see Bruce's lab. The lab he had set up for him in Stark Tower. He was there. He was safe. He was sitting on the couch, with Bruce next to him. It was just a dream. Nightmare. Whatever. But something was wrong. He was still shaking from the cold. So cold. And he couldn't breathe.

"What - what? " He could hardly speak. His heart felt like it was exploding and he was shivering violently, still feeling the cold from the dream. "Can't - can't breathe" he gasped out. His hand clutched at his chest. Was he having a heart attack?

"I'm pretty sure you're having a panic attack. You're ok."

But it felt like a heart attack. It felt like he was dying. Dying right this second. A wave of fear was drowning him and he was desperately gulping for air. "J-Jarv-"

"My readings are consistent with Dr. Banner's diagnosis, Sir. It is simply an anxiety attack."

Simply? It wasn't - it was so cold. He was so cold.

"You gotta breathe" Bruce was saying. "Look. Breathe from here." Bruce wrapped his arms around Tony, pressing on his diaphragm, under the reactor. Tony could feel his warm body pressed up against Tony's back. "It'll pass. I promise. Just take slow deep breaths."

"It's - it feels - " Tony kept his own hand on the reactor, just to make sure it was still there. Hadn't broken or floated away in that emptiness…

"I know. I know." Bruce's voice was calm. Really calm. "But it's not a heart attack. It's not. Your heart is fine. You're fine."

Tony was shivering so bad. So cold. He tried though. Tried to take a deep breath in. Tried again. Then out.

"That's good. Like that. Just breathe. It'll pass. I promise."

So Tony kept going, Breathe in. Breathe out. Bruce's arms tight around him, grounding him, keeping him there. Warming him up.

After a while it did seem to be passing a bit. He felt his shuddering slow.

"You're really warm," then he even managed to get out a whole sentence.

"Radiation." Banner quipped.

Right. If Tony's brain were working, he would be analyzing all the implications of that. But right now, he was just grateful for it. Grateful for the warmth. Grateful for Banner's calm strength.

They just stayed like that for a while, Tony's shuddering breaths gradually evening out to something more normal. Then, he didn't know why, but the words just came out. He didn't even think about it.

"I thought - I thought it was justice, you know?" He heard his own voice, kind of whispering, tentative. Didn't even recognize it. "The universe finally getting back at me, like it was supposed to be. Leaving me there, alone, in that cold…"

"No, Tony. No. You don't deserve that."

"I don't know. Sometimes I don't know."

"Hey, you wanna play 'I hate myself more than you do', I'm pretty good at that game. You might lose." Tony heard the smile in Bruce's voice. He was beginning to see Bruce letting out his inner snarkiness. Just a glimpse here and there, but he liked it. He liked it a lot.

"Luckily, he - you - caught me." Tony turned to look Bruce in the eyes, hoping the man could understand that he was being sincere, for once. "Did I thank you for that?"

"Thank me?" He seemed incredulous. He moved his right hand from Tony's chest and gestured widely, to the lab, to Tony, as if encompassing everything. "Tony, everything you've done here, everything you've given me… Yes. You've thanked me."

Bruce's left hand remained lightly on Tony's back. Just keeping the contact. There was another strange moment between them. Tony saw, in Bruce's eyes, that the man was letting his shields down for a moment, like in the restaurant. He could understand that Bruce had probably missed "speaking English" too. He must have.

Then Bruce looked away, his closed up expression returning. He turned and moved to the small fridge in the corner of the lab. He took out a bottle of water, popped the cap and came back to hold it out to Tony.

"Drink."

"Yes, doctor," Tony smiled. Bruce gave him that small smile of his back. The cool water was good. And he did feel calmer. He ran his hand through his hair, then over his face. "Ugh. I should probably go take a shower."

"Sure. Yeah. You hungry? I could make us something and let you torture me with your movie choices again."

Tony chuckled. "Torture? Oh, you have so much to learn. You're lucky you met me, Dr. Banner."

"Yeah," Bruce said back, without a hint of sarcasm. "I am."

 

 


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They're - I need them. They're - they're - " Shit, he felt that panic coming on again, but tried to focus on Bruce's hand on his arm, anchoring him. Holding him there. In his penthouse. Not in space. Not falling. Not watching Pepper fall.

"Sir. Sir, we are landing now." JARVIS urged in his ear, startling Tony awake. Tony grunted and opened his eyes. Ugh. Where was he? Right. On his private jet, going back to New York.

Going back to New York alone.

His head was pounding and his mouth was dry. He had either drunk too much on the flight or not enough. Trying to block out Pepper's voice, and her eyes when she told him it was over.

He'd tried to explain, tried to get her to understand, but it was no use. She wanted, needed, more than he could give, more than he could be. She didn't understand that he was nothing without his suits. Nothing. Certainly nothing that could be worthy of her. Especially after everything he'd put her through.

He looked down to see if there was any whiskey left in his glass. Empty. Shit. And his flight attendant (can't call her a stewardess anymore, Pepper had always reminded him) was motioning at him to buckle up for landing. Damn. Well, the limo should be fully stocked.

 Tony forced his thoughts to other things. He hoped Bruce would be there when he got to the tower. He guessed he should think of the tower as home now. Now that his Malibu house was at the bottom of the ocean.

_Don't. Don't go there._

His science bro had miraculously agreed to stay at the tower, even after Tony went back to Malibu. Tony had planned to come back sooner, check in, make sure his friend wasn't planning on running again, but then the Mandarin had happened and, well…

Tony remembered leaving for Malibu. Bruce had insisted on driving him to the airfield. Tony could have flown there in one of his suits, but Bruce had seemed to need the company.

And as Tony's jet had taken off, he'd looked out the window and saw Bruce on the tarmac. He could see the physicist's shoulders slumping, as if, without Tony's presence, he was reverting back to his usual introverted self, doing his best to disappear. It was that image that had stayed in Tony's head these past months whenever Tony thought of him. And he had found himself thinking of Bruce a lot.

* * *

"Dr. Banner is waiting for you in your penthouse," JARVIS informed him as Tony stepped into the elevator.

Good. Tony went directly up to his penthouse and walked in, dropping the small bag he'd carried. Everything else was shipping tomorrow with all the suits. He would set up his Iron Legion here. He would do everything here. In New York.

Even though just hearing the name of the city still chilled him to the bone… Well, he could stay in the tower for a while. Hole up with Bruce in the lab. He didn't have to go out into the city, look up at that sky that was no longer safe.

Pushing his fear back down, Tony looked around. He saw Bruce had his back turned, was facing the window, looking out at the skyline and the disassembly platform.

Tony took a step toward him.

"Hey."

Bruce didn't turn around. Tony took another step.

"Um, hey Bruce."

Nothing. That was weird. Bruce's shoulders were tense, his arms seemed to be crossed in the front. Was he "angry"? Did he need help? Tony looked closer, and saw that Bruce's shoulders were shaking.

"Hey, um, so, are you not talking to me or something?" Tony asked calmly. He took another step forward. If Bruce needed help, he wasn't about to run away. He would give any help he could.

But finally Bruce turned around, and Tony saw that he wasn't angry. His face was red, but it was because he was holding back tears.

"You!" Bruce pointed at him. "You asshole!"

Tony started, taking a step back, his head swimming a bit at the sudden movement. Ok, then, the verdict was too much scotch. "What-?"

"I -I thought you were dead." The brute honesty in Bruce's voice cut him to the quick and the pain in his eyes made Tony feel a tightness in his chest. No. _No!_ He wasn't going to freak out here. He wasn't.

"I - I - " Tony started to say something, anything, apologize, explain, whatever, but Bruce launched himself at Tony, and it took him a minute to realize that Bruce was hugging him and crying against his shoulder. Actually full out sobbing.

Tony wasn't good at emotions, his or anybody else's, but he tried. He put his arms around the other man, hugging back. He really didn't like the idea that he had made Bruce worry, but, he had to admit to himself, it wasn't _bad_ to think that somebody was worrying about him. It didn't feel bad at all.

"Hey. Hey. Come on." Tony soothed. He somehow guided them to the couch, which wasn't exactly easy with Bruce's arms wound so tightly around him. He managed to sit them both down. Bruce's head was still pressed to Tony's shoulder, his tears soaking Tony's t-shirt.

Tony tried patting Bruce gently on the back, trying to calm him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Bruce said between sobs.

"I'm sorry," Tony said. God, he felt like that was all he had been saying for the past six months. But maybe at least Bruce would believe him. "I couldn't even get in touch with Pepper. For weeks. I left her a fucking voicemail. And JARVIS was - " Tony tried to suppress his shudder at the memory, but failed. " - malfunctioning."

_Don't leave me, buddy._

Bruce pulled back a bit and wiped his eyes. "I know. I mean, I know. It's just," the man sighed, his eyes far off. "You're gonna get a remodeling bill. I didn't - I was unprepared for that. The Other Guy took out two entire floors of this place when I heard the news. That you were _dead._ "

Tony swallowed. And realized that he really really was a horrible person, because that actually made him feel better, not worse.

Somebody gave a shit. Couldn't he have that? Bruce wouldn't have closed the portal, left him out there, alone, floating…

Tony's hand grabbed at Bruce's arm, seemingly of its own accord. Bruce met his eyes.

"I am sorry," Tony said, slowly and carefully.

"I know. I know." Bruce used his free hand to wipe his eyes. "It's just, you don't understand. You're the only one I've got."

"Wait. If the others are giving you a hard time or something, it's my building, they can go. I'll evict them all."

"No. No. Nothing like that. Steve, Natasha, Clint, they've been great. Really great, actually. But you're the only one who gets it. The only one who-"

"Speaks English?" Tony finished, trying a smile. Thankfully, Bruce smiled back.

"Yeah. Something like that."

* * *

Bruce offered to make dinner, and Tony joined him in the kitchen of Bruce's suite. He was happy to see that the man had made himself at home in the kitchen at least, stocking up with all of his strange teas and spices.

Tony brought a bottle of whiskey down with him, pouring himself another glass. Bruce gave him a look from where he was standing at the stove, stir-frying vegetables, but made no comment.

They talked about work, Bruce's research.

"You know, with all your resources, I think I could make great strides in water purification and hunger issues," Bruce said as he dished out noodles to Tony. "There are a lot of places I've been to that could use it."

"Do it. Whatever you need. Whatever you want." Tony found that he meant it. He would give this man anything he wanted. Not just to get him to stick around, but because Tony realized really wanted him to be happy. That maybe was an impossible order for either of them, but Tony could try.

Then Tony filled up his glass again and Bruce finally said something.

"You're hitting it pretty hard, aren't you?" The words were accusing, but his voice was worried. So Tony didn't automatically tell him to shut up.

Tony took a long, slow sip before answering. He stared down at the counter.

"Well, that's what you do, isn't it. It's tradition."

"What's tradition?"

"When - when you break up with somebody. You're supposed to get shitfaced, right? I mean, usually I don't need an excuse but this time I have one." Damn, that was supposed to come out light, joking, but his voice didn't have that tone at all. Bruce noticed.

Bruce put his hand gently on Tony's. Tony looked up at him. His face was calm, his eyes searching Tony's.

"Pepper - um. She's staying in Malibu. She - she said she couldn't do it anymore." He heard her pained voice in his head.

_It's an obsession, Tony. They're machines. They're just machines._

_You don't understand, honey. I can't - I can't…please…_

Then it was Tony's turn to burst into stupid tears. He covered his eyes with his hand, as if that could hide them. _Shit!_ He kind of curled up on the kitchen stool he was sitting on, his head in his hands.

"I begged her. I fucking begged her to stay, but..." Then the tears just took over and he couldn't even speak. He heard Bruce moving, then felt the other man's arm around him.

Bruce took Tony over to the couch and sat with him. And slowly, through his tears, Tony told him everything. How he'd been cut off from everyone, completely freaking out. JARVIS malfunctioning. Tony fucking up and letting Pepper get hurt.

_Tony, make it stop. Please make it stop!_

How he thought he'd lost her, when her fingers slipped through his, when he failed to catch her. Thought he'd lost everything. Then she rose from the ashes and saved his ass. But he lost her anyway.

Through it Bruce plied him with water, in his calm, doctorly way. Tony drank some, and managed to stop crying like an idiot.

"She wanted me to destroy them. The suits. Destroy them all. I couldn't. I just couldn't. I can't. She didn't understand."

Bruce didn't say anything at that, just patted Tony's back, his warm hand a comforting touch, reminding Tony he wasn't completely alone. Bruce just let him talk, and when it seemed Tony was done talking, he had JARVIS put on Star Trek.

Their go-to comfort show for when they were stressed out.

At a certain point Tony realized he was watching the screen at a strange angle. Joan Collins was explaining to Jim and Spock (in a ridiculous cap) why the US shouldn't get involved in WWII, but he was looking at her sideways.

Ok, what was going on? _Oh._ He was lying across the couch, with his head, his head on Bruce's lap. He would have sat up but he was a bit too drunk to manage that. He looked up and saw Bruce looking down at him, an amused expression on the scientist's face.

"Hey," Bruce said.

"I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm using you as a pillow," Tony managed to say.

"It's ok. Really. Just let me know in time if you need to puke."

Tony thought a moment, his brain talking to his stomach. "No. For the moment I think I'm good." He turned his head back to the screen. After a while he spoke again.

"And I am sorry. About Malibu. About everything." He couldn't look at Bruce, but felt Bruce's fingers land gently on his hair, patting lightly. "I could have used your help."

"If you had let me know where you were, you _moron_ , I would have helped you. The Other Guy would have too."

Tony let out a laugh at that. Strangely, Bruce's hand stayed where it was, his fingers lightly stroking Tony's hair. It was comforting. Tony closed his eyes.

"I can't. I can't destroy them," he said. He wanted Bruce to understand. God, he just needed _somebody_ to understand.

"I know. I know." Bruce said gently, his other hand gently squeezing Tony's arm.

"They're - I need them. They're - they're - " Shit, he felt that panic coming on again, but tried to focus on Bruce's hand on his arm, anchoring him. Holding him there. In his penthouse. Not in space. Not falling. Not watching Pepper fall.

"They're a part of you," Bruce said simply.

 _Yes_. That was it. That was exactly it. The suits were a part of him. Bruce _did_ understand. Somehow that made Tony feel like crying again.

"Yeah."

Tony opened his eyes and tried to focus on the rest of the episode, but it didn't work for very long. His last thought as the alcohol dragged him down into a restless sleep was god, he hoped he could keep his promise of not puking on the other man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joan Collins' birthday the other day - so I used that episode of Star Trek.


End file.
